Friday, June 1, 2012

Back to Work

After being on lay off for 8 weeks, I returned to work on Wednesday. I was dreading it, but at the same time, ready to get it over with. The first night went pretty well. A few people offered condolences and a lot of people welcomed me back. A few people asked if I had a good time on my "vacation" and I had to tell them about what happened, they didn't even know that I was pregnant. After telling a few people, I decided to just let it go. I had announced that I was expecting the last week I worked before I took layoff, so in a way, I'm not surprised that some didn't even know I was pregnant. I wasn't showing that much yet and I hadn't started wearing maternity clothes.

The second night was a little tougher. I was in the restroom and someone asked me, "so when's that baby due?" I kept it together long enough to tell what happened, but when I got back on my forklift out on the floor, the tears came. I don't think the ache inside is ever going to totally go away. And then, my previous manager stopped me and told me how sorry he was and that made me cry even more. It was a rough night. I was missing Ross, I've been spoiled by seeing him every night when he gets home from work and now, he's in bed by the time I get home.

It's been a rough couple days with the girls too. I'm sure they are adjusting to our new routine in their own way, but their behavior has been horrible and I feel like all I'm doing is disciplining them, or rather losing my temper because I'm still a tad bit irritable. Plus, the girls are still battling allergy issues.

I started with some kind of sinus/head cold thing on Sunday night and I am still miserable. I called in sick on Tuesday night because I was so sick I never got off the couch. I'm ready to get tonight over with so I can rest this weekend and hopefully get better.

To top it all off, our babysitter quit on us. I Facebook messaged her and texted her husband on Monday evening around 8:30 to find out what time they would be there on Tuesday. (The babysitters husband and I carpool together, so they just come to the house and we leave from here.) She called me at 9pm and let me know that she was no longer going to babysit. A week ago everything was fine. Ross and I were both upset and it set us on a course of talking about our different options. That will have to be another blog post though, it's time to start getting ready for work now.

1 comment:

Nel said...

I am just now getting to read this entire post.
Are you tired of hearing from me - because I can stop commenting and leave you alone, please just say if you want me to.
I will say that sometimes I still cry. This first week I worked in the ob office at the hospital (4 years ago) I bawled anytime a mother lost her baby. I got teary eyed when someomne came in and was pregnant. I got teary eyed when I heard someone had a baby - people I DIDN'T KNOW!
The hurt will always be there. The pain will always be there.
The questions from people who didn't know that we were expecting and asked us when we would have another one - hurt. The questions from people who didn't know we lost our baby - hurt.
And even the comments from people who DID know - hurt.
The girls attitudes I am sure is a mixture of everything. I always let the girls get away with more right after a loss because i didn't have the energy to fight or agrue or discipline correctly. I also know that my attitude was different and more short and then the girls mimimicked that as well.

Hang in there. In time things will get back to normal... Hang in there.

And call anytime, or message, or just tell me to stop commenting and leave you alone :o)

But know that everything you are saying is not crazy. It's still ok to have feelings and cry. Promise.