Tuesday, May 22, 2012

As Days Go By...

...it gets a little better. At the same time, some things are getting harder.

The girls and I were in Walmart yesterday for over two hours (I had a lot of pictures to print, it took awhile) and I noticed that when I saw a pregnant woman, I was overwhelmed with sadness. I'm not angry, but very sad for what I no longer have. I do not feel that way about pregnant women I personally know. I couldn't be more excited for my brother and sister-in-law who are expecting their first baby (boy) in July! But, I don't have to be excited about complete strangers.

Our recent experience has shown me a few things about life in general. I've discovered that I no longer care about how many people I can find on Facebook that I "might" know or have been acquainted with at some point. Also, it was really easy to unfriend a few pregnant women I was friends with that I don't know very well. Why subject myself to that kind of sadness if they aren't really my "friends"?

I am still overwhelmed by the many people who have reached out to us in one way or another during this time. Several families provided us with meals. We received several floral arrangements from friends and family. Many, many sympathy cards with some very comforting personal notes inside them. Texts and FB messages from family and friends. Comments on this blog and things that I've posted on Facebook.

It's shown me that there are some people that want to be involved in my life and there are others who are only concerned with themselves. It's also taught me to be more sensitive and thoughtful to the people I care about when things aren't going right in their lives. I apologize if I haven't been as considerate in the past as I should have been. Going forward I'm going to try and improve on that.

Losing David has changed a lot of things, I'm trying to find the positives and not focus on the negatives. Some days it's harder than others. Some days I just want to be sad, others, life feels like it's getting back to normal.

I thank God every day for giving me two beautiful daughters to help get me through this. And Ross and I have become closer than we've ever been. We are communicating in ways I've wanted us to for a long time. We are open and honest with our feelings about our loss.

That's where I'm at today.


Susan Bunch said...

You are so strong. Hang in there!

Monica said...

I'm still praying for all of you everyday, I'm so impressed that ur able to ur feelings to words. I love u honey

Bethany Haid said...

Maybe David's gift to you was an improved communication in your family or a realization about how to empathize or connect with others. Its an important gift to receive, even though in this case, I wish you could be totally oblivious to this and still pregnant.

I feel the same way about many days are very normal and most days have a lot of normal in them, and that feels okay sometimes and very sad sometimes.

Nel said...

Pretty sure the hardest part for me was seeing mom's (that I didn't think deserved it) pregnant - and like you said smoking and obviously not taking care of themselves, when I tried sooooo hard and did everything I could, should and even more to carry my babies to term. I do have to admit I was a bit upset at even family and friends expecting at that time too.... But could force a smile for them ;o)