Wednesday, May 16, 2012

More Photos & Thoughts About David

We visited David today, 1 week after his birth and death. I still don't know how to classify what happened. Is it considered a miscarriage or a still born? I don't know yet. That's something I'm going to talk to my OB about next week. He was alive and had a heartbeat about an hour before I delivered him. Obviously, he wasn't developed enough to sustain life outside of the womb, so I'm not really sure when he would have died.
In the previous pictures I shared, you saw the box that the hospital sent him home in. It was a beautiful box, but Ross and I both felt that David should have something a little sturdier to be buried in. Ross built this pine box for him. I think the building process and the process of actually preparing the grave site was very beneficial in Ross' grieving.

It may seem a little morbid to some, but I really felt the need to have something lifelong to look back on and remember him by. So we decided to take a few pictures before we buried him. I was really glad that neither Ross or I felt like smiling though, that would have felt weird. The girls did, simply because they are so used to being told to smile when someone is taking a picture.

It's been very therapeutic for me to blog about my feelings and share these pictures. I know that many of you have posted comments here and on Facebook and while I may not have responded personally to you, I had read and received each and every message with a lot of gratitude. It's comforting to know that so many people have felt the hurt with us and are praying for us as we heal. Things won't be the same ever again, but I know that God has a purpose and a plan for our lives and I'm trusting in Him to get us through this season in our lives. My good, lifelong friend Shelley posted a scripture the other day that really ministered to me.

To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born,
A time to die;
A time to plant,
A time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill,
A time to heal;
A time to break down,
And a time to build up;
A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones,
And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace,
And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain,
And a time to lose;
A time to keep,
And a time to throw away;
A time to tear,
And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
And a time to speak;
A time to love,
And a time to hate;
A time of war,
And a time of peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8


Kelley said...

I'm continuing to pray for you Jessica. How wonderful that Ross was able to create a beautiful resting place for David. I think you married a keeper. :-) Not sure if you've heard the song "I will carry you" by Selah, but I think of it when I read your story.

All things through Christ...

Bethany Haid said...

I think it is a bit morbid, but its also just what you feel like you wanted to do. I felt so upset back in Feb 06 when I realized it was Ava's birthday/duedate and I had NOTHING. I went to the ultrasound place and they kept my images on digital file for some reason and were able to give me those. I printed it and have it framed now. I think its really similar to what you did last week - having something to remember and have forever. Proof.

Still considering you and Ross daily.

valerie said...

It's not morbid at all. We all choose to remember in our own ways. You do what you need to do. But one reason to smile -- you know he's in heaven waiting for you. Doesn't make it any easier, I know, but maybe a bit comforting? Love you girl.