I had my follow up visit with my OB Doctor today. I heard exactly what I expected to hear, they had no answers. I was prepared for that, but it would have been nice to know a reason why. I guess in a way, it will make my faith stronger, I have no choice but to trust in God and believe that He had a good reason for allowing this to happen.
Ross and I both agreed that we have many hard days ahead, neither one of us are looking forward to October when David was supposed to be born. We do know that we want to try again, it's just determining when we will be ready. Physically, the doctor said at least 3 months, but she told us to make sure we were both mentally ready and that we had finished the grieving process before we got pregnant again. I told Ross that I had no desire to get pregnant before his due date has come and gone, but that I thought I might be ready once we get past all that.
I know that how I feel right now, probably won't be how I'll feel in 2 months, 3 months, 6 months from now. But, I do know that I hate the empty feeling that I have. I'm not saying I want to rush right into another pregnancy, because I know it will be a very anxious pregnancy until we reach 30 however many weeks it is when the baby would be fine. The doctor did tell us that miscarrying that far into the pregnancy is very unusual and that is very scary when considering another pregnancy.
We are also dealing with the fact that we both said we just wanted a healthy baby, it didn't matter the sex, but who wouldn't want to a boy, when you already have two girls? So, we need to pray for peace that whenever we decide to try again, we'll be happy with a boy or girl and not angry if we have another girl instead of a boy. This is a painful process no matter what, but it's been a different level of pain because he was our first son. So, we've had to deal with the loss of a baby, as well as a son.
I know that this is pretty scattered and a lot of thoughts are flowing, and not very flowing very fluidly, but at this point, I don't even care about that. I just need to get them out.
Please continue to pray for us.