My bad day has not gotten any better yet. I'm thinking it's just going to be one of those days that won't be better until it's over and I can start fresh tomorrow.
I went to work and the humidity is so high today, I just couldn't take it and I came home. I always feel so guilty when I leave work early and I tell myself I should be stronger, or that I'm just being lazy because I can't take it. And then I have to remind myself that I am 7 months pregnant and I may not be able to do everything like I think I should. And not to mention the fact that I feel bad because we really need the money right now. So, I had another good cry on the way home, and I still feel horrible.
I did want to clarify some things from my earlier blog. I realized that I probably painted Ross in a somewhat bad light. That was not my intention, just trying to get out some of my frustrations. For some of you that know me well and for those of you that don't, I just wanted to make it clear that I wasn't trying to bash Ross. It's just been one of those days for me and I'm sure you can understand that. Ross is a good husband and my best friend, but we do have our differences, and I'm pretty sure that is what makes us human. Ross is very considerate of me and tries to be understanding, but sometimes my hormones and emotions are very frustrating for him because he can't understand them. I think that may be the case today. He thought his comments were just comments and not intended to make me feel bad. And I do have a tendency to blow things out of proportion when my emotions get the best of me. So, with that being said, I would still classify it as a bad day, but not trying to blame anyone specifically. I am well aware of my many faults, especially on days like today when I can't seem to keep it together. Sometimes I feel like a gigantic failure.
So, I'm going to relax for a few hours and pray that tomorrow is a better day. Can't handle too many like this one. Poor Ross can't either. I think we are both under a lot of stress and pressure right now, and we tend to take it out on one another from time to time.
There was one bright spot in my day though. This morning when my first crying session began, Alexis looked at me and said, "Crying." For those of you that know Alexis and how she talks you can imagine what she sounded like. She gets her little deep south accent going and cocks her little head to the side and says, "crying" and then she says, "tissue." And I tell her I do need a tissue, so she runs to the bathroom to bring me one. After I blow my nose and wipe my face, she looks and me and says, "one more." I say, "Sure, I'll take one more." When she comes back with it, she looks from me to Ross and says, "talking, crying", with her little head shake to the side like she does, and I couldn't help but smile. Thank you God for my precious child who always makes it better!