Monday, June 14, 2010

Home Again

After 14½ hours in my Dad's suburban Saturday, we made it back to their house at 12:25am Sunday morning. We were too tired to unpack and then repack and drive home, so we spent the night at their house. The girls did remarkably well for being cooped up in a vehicle that long.

Ross has already started talking about booking a condo for a week for the 4 of us next year on the same beach! That's how much we loved it!

It feels good to be home, but I miss the beach. I'm glad to have my own bed back, but I miss the sound of the waves on the shore. I love my family, but I'm glad I don't have to share a house with them for anymore time than I did.

I'm dreading going to bed tonight, because when I get up in the morning, it will be my last day at home with the girls before I go back to work. Tuesday is going to be rough.

We had struggled to find babysitters and thought we had it all worked out with 2 different girls, but both ended up not working out. Thankfully, we found a girl that is available and looking forward to babysitting full time now, and after she goes back to school too. Unfortunately, in the morning will be the first time we've ever actually met her. We know her mother well, but haven't ever met her. Really praying she works out and the girls like her. I'm entrusting my whole world to her, so I'm kind of starting to freak out a little on the inside.

I feel calm on the exterior about everything, but inside, I'm screaming and crying. I'm going to miss my girls so much, every day. I'm really worried about them too. I'm worried about how hard it's going to be on them to adjust to me not being here every night with them. Will they feel like I've abandoned them when they realize I'm not here to tuck them in Tuesday night? Will they be confused as to why Mommy isn't the one making them supper and giving them a bath and reading bedtime stories?

Why? Why, when I want so badly to be at home with them, do I have to leave them? I know the answer to the question, but it's hard to handle at the same point. Obviously this is what God has in store for us for this portion of our lives. I know that He will make a way for my prayers to be answered in one form or another. I know that Ross and I have to pay for not being more financially aware in the early years of our marriage. I'm hoping that someday soon, we'll have enough debt paid off that it will be possible for me to stop working.

That's enough of my depressing drama in my head for now. Here are some pictures from our last night on the beach. It was a gorgeous sunset that night!


Ashley said...

Ah, I'm praying for you Jessica! We made some major mistakes early in our marriage (and even before) as well. I hoping that you will find a way to do whatever it is that you really feel God calling you to do. Your pictures are beautiful, I so wish we could go there too!

Nel said...

Jessica - You are in my thoughts and prayers. I so hope that you will find a solution to make possible for you to stay home. Why couldn't we all just know what to and not to do in the beginning to not affect our whole life?!?!?!
The beach pictures are beautiful! ~I am still jealous ;o)

Jenna said...

Enjoy your last day home!! I'm sure God has a plan for your family and your new job and everything will work great!

You photos are Great, it looks so beautiful there... Glad ya'll had fun !

Joyce Kay said...

Praying as you return to work. Enjoy this day with the girls. I'm sure they will be fine with the baby sitter but I know it is hard to leave kids with someone else.

Mrs. Haid said...

I am glad you have these golden memories and beautiful photos to look back on for years to come! I have a hard time thinking of things like this in a positive light. It seems like forever, right? Or SO bad. But maybe you can say, its not forever, just a while, and its not SO bad, just crummy. THere will be great times again when you are home with the girls! Your Tuesday night job isn't permanent! I hope that you can find some way to stay positive in the midst of this less than ideal situation.

This Daddy said...

I am glad you guys made it back safe and had a great vacation. It just makes me cry cause I want to be on vacation so bad. The beach is so beautiful and I am glad you all had a great time.

On the going back to work part. Be strong and positive and it will all work out or you guys. I cant speak from experience, so I know it sounds like a crock but it will all work out. Welcome Back